We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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