So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
