Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
