This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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