Do you still have your period?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
