i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
