Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
