i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
