First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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