Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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Holy sore nipples Batman
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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