You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
