I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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