Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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