So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
