saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
