You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
