i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
