You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
