im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
