In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
