college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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