Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
