I hate all girls vehemently.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
