just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
