you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
