your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
