Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
