took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
