I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
