I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
