I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
