10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So much Jack, so little girl.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
