Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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