Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
