The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize