If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
