I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
