I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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