Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
