have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i think i just lost a toe
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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