It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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