She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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