why didn't you poke me back
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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