Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
