i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
