The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
