I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You left your phone here
Wait...
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