So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
