Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
