Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
