boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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