you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
