Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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