Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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