Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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