perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
