Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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