ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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