Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
