You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
