I think my vagina is haunted
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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