oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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