i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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